on anti-racism.
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“empathy” poem + art via morgan harper nichols
i’ve done a ton of thinking, reading, watching, listening, absorbing and reflecting this week in regards to the state of rampant racism in the united states, spurred by the murders of (including but, frighteningly, not limited to) ahmaud arbery, breonna taylor, tony mcdade and george floyd.
i feel that i have no idea where to start in trying to collect my jumbled brain of thoughts & reflections into a piece of communication that effectively illustrates what i am currently learning about myself and the society i’ve grown up in. i just need to jump in and site several graphics & words that have been shared online recently as writing prompts; pieces that made me pause - really, really think - and come away with honest introspection about my own faults as a white person living in america in 2020.
this piece is addressing anti-blackness in america. we could go off in countless directions on the topic of racism, bring up many specific issues regarding injustice between and across races, but here i am talking specifically about the issue of racism against black people in the united states and police brutality.
it starts with the reality of american history:
* please read the caption in her linked post for a succinct black perspective on why it is crucial for white people in america to reflect on their personal definition of what we think it means to be “not-racist,” reflect on what that really means within their own life experiences, and do the work to closely examine and redefine their claimed role as a “white ally” or “not-racist” person.
^ this graphic visually illustrates the reality of the roles & statuses of black people throughout the history of our collective time on this piece of land, the place we now call the united states of america. i already knew this information to be true, but seeing it laid out on a timeline is a jarring perspective. of course our modern society is still so sick with racism as generations of white people have continued to regurgitate anti-black notions to successive generations (whether ultra blatant, subtle, or practically subconscious) for nearly 500 years.
it’s been about 60 years since a major civil rights movement here - and while 60 years might seem like a long time, on this timeline of american history, 60 years is just a small fraction of the whole experience. 60-ish years is the only fraction of this nearly 500 year timeline where white people have attempted to help seek true social equality for black people. and while we’ve been convinced that many facets of “equality” have been reached, black people have always been at a disadvantage to white people in america (see historical timeline above!). these same facets of “equality” can be simultaneously corrupt - as the coded language of our “coveted” united states constitution actually represents and continues to protect the interests of the white male landowner. watch the documentary “13th” by ava duvernay (on netflix) for a lot more information on black oppression that was written right into the u.s. constitution, and how it relates to the mass incarceration of black people in the u.s. prison system today.
after watching serious riots and protests happening in my own city just this weekend, it is clear that we are now in a modern-day civil rights movement, the anti-racism movement.
quote from angela davis. graphic + artwork source unknown - please comment if you know the artist name.
i have a specific memory from my childhood when i clicked into what racism was, that i’d already known about it as a concept, had been taught that it was bad, and that it was something i didn’t want to be. i wanted to be a good person. but all it took was some small comment or behavior that i did as a wee 10 year-old, for someone to say to me, “well, that’s racist.” and i was taken aback. i did not really even know what i had done. i did not want to be racist. i remember making a mental note of that, and not ever repeating what i’d said/done even if at the time i’d thought i was “being funny.” had that person not said anything in response, or even laughed a little bit, my words & actions would have been instantly validated and i would have gone on thinking that kind of thing was socially acceptable.
learning & absorbing ideas of race and racial stereotypes happens so early on in childhood. some white parents blatantly discriminate against people of color, while some have a more subtle tactic of continuing to profile, oppress, and ingrain stereotypes that were likely taught to them by their parents or elder authorities before them.
let’s say a self-proclaimed “non-racist” white parent is driving their child around in the car.
they say, “oh, we should probably not be in this neighborhood - people here can be dangerous.'“
child looks out the window, wonders what’s “dangerous” about this area, sees black people walking down the street. child immediately creates a mental & visual association: “black skinned people = danger.”
and it was as simple as that. racism is learned.
via @theconsciouskid
when i really get into the headspace of “racism,” and try imagining myself explaining to a young person the bigger picture and root reasoning behind the nearly century-long era of segregation in the u.s. (actually go through the explanation from the top, in real words, out loud), it seems absolutely CRAZY KOOKY. and IT IS crazy kooky - because it’s all based on different skin colors.
“well, you see, there was a process of physical human evolution over hundreds of thousands of years. because of the various locations where humans lived on planet earth in relation to the distance from the sun, human skin pigment evolved to vary from light colored to dark colored. this means that over a bunch of time, some humans developed light skin and some humans developed dark skin (a form of sunscreen, in a way) to adapt to the area of the earth that they lived, in order to protect their skin from the sun. so anyway, fast forward through a bunch more time, people being born on earth, various movement of groups of people and relocations across the planet, to a time before i was born - in america, there was this thing called ‘segregation.’ this was where the light skinned humans got to use all the best bathrooms and sit in a good spot on the bus and the darker skinned humans had to use separate water drinking fountains, live in different parts of town, and go to different schools than the lighter skinned humans, and the light skinned humans could be very mean and violent to the dark skinned humans with little to no consequence……………”
…but, why??
doesn’t this sound mad?
we’re just humans, with varying amounts of skin pigmentation, existing together.
when we attempt to think about racism and what it is (acknowledging that it is super prevalent and is a common cause of human-on-human murder still to this day) - and it just comes down to discrimination against sKiN CoLoR…????? it is totally insane, and will continue to be insane. i certainly do not want to be someone who discriminates against color of skin - and have convinced myself throughout my life that “i’m not racist.”
words by nelson mandela
art by danielle coke
people (like myself!) must strive to unlearn the racism that they were subconsciously (or blatantly) taught as a tiny child, pause to shake up the box of ideas about “non-white people” that we learned via numerous influences throughout our lives, consistently SHUT DOWN acts/comments/denials of racism, and actively move forward with the responsibility of ACTUALLY being a good friend/neighbor/community member:
THIS IS THE LIFELONG MISSION TOWARD & COMMITMENT TO ANTI-RACISM.
what i mean by “ACTUALLY be a good friend/neighbor/community member” is this:
i grew up in a nice, small, predominantly white, rural town, made up of “nice people.” i can genuinely say the people of my hometown are nice, well-meaning, good-natured folks. these people are my family and my friends. these are nice people and they will surely be nice to you, whomever you are!
but, we all know that behind closed doors in these nice towns, we’ve all experienced countless flippant or passing comments from someone or another in our “nice” family or “nice” friend group that are racially insensitive. this could be at holidays, gatherings of older crowds or gatherings of younger crowds. this is even a popular theme of impending holidays gatherings…. “oh man, uncle x and cousin y and neighbor z are going to be there and make [insert: racial/homophobic/religious/body image, etc.] jokes all night.” this is a regular situation for a lot of people. this is not meant to target or alienate the people of my hometown, but if this is something i’ve observed during my specific experience as one person from a small town, i am sure there are many “nice” towns across the country that behave just the same.
enter: white person 1 whom has built their lifelong identity on being racially inclusive, a friend to black people and people of color, a well-meaning “not racist” person.
uncle x: “[insert: subtle, yet mean comment about black people]”
cousin y: “[insert: light ‘funny joke’ about mexican people]”
neighbor z: “[insert: blatant, direct slur against asian people]”
white person 1, aka “the not-racist” : [most likely silence, ignore, avoid, pretend you didn’t hear, eat, drink]
this is a scenario i am sure we’ve all been in umpteen times in our lives.
this is where the bit on “ACTUALLY being a good friend/neighbor/community member” comes in.
THIS is where ANTI-RACISM comes in. this where white person 1 should shut down all of these types of comments, discuss why they are hurtful, and that they don’t have a place at a civil family gathering, or really even in your own conscious - and damn, uncle x, cousin y, and neighbor z, you gotta go look inward and discover why you feel the mental need to put down [insert: race/gender/sexuality/religion/body type, etc.] in a public space. not just this one time, but most likely repeatedly over the course of many gatherings over many years.
this is why “Nice does not equal not racist.”
and to expand on that school of thought:
“nice does not equal not racist, and not racist does not equal anti-racist.”
the “socially acceptable” area of this iceberg is all too real in modern-day america. with black bodies being violently abused, oftentimes resulting in death, the white silence is right there, right below the surface of what we can all SEE (on video because yes, people share videos on social media of black people being killed - right there between a nice beach sunset pic and a pile of puppies or something - a video will start to play of a black person being killed, a lot!). and… we take a peek, gasp, cringe, scroll on by, and continue with our day. disgusting, and i am guilty.
not only am i guilty of white silence on the broader scale around demanding change or even failing at times to acknowledge the news of black people being murdered in the unites states - thinking, “oh, those good people higher up and in charge, they’ll figure it out.” soo not happening.
i am also guilty in the local sense of it all. flash back to that friendly gathering we were just talking about. i am guilty of not sticking up for a person i love & admire (someone i have a long-term friendship & history with) in a room full of fleeting, seemingly “inconsequential” but certainly calculated, backhanded racial jokes (of which this person felt the proverbial bullet each time, while the rest of us had the privilege of carrying on, ignoring, pretending we didn’t notice). it was not this person’s responsibility to speak up and use this scenario to teach their white friends this valuable lesson. it is not the responsibility of black people or people of color to call out and educate their “nice” white friends of their actually racist actions in times when we fail to shut down any sort of resounding hurtful commentary as they are being verbally ambushed, whether obscurely or blatantly. the aftermath of this situation hit me hard and made me feel like a hypocrite, bad friend, embarrassed, disappointed in myself, and opened my eyes to my wrongdoings at someone else’s emotional expense. i was a part of the problem, not an ally or even “good friend” in those moments - by saying nothing at all, i betrayed my friend. the notion of ‘white silence is compliance,’ or ‘white silence is violence’ can be scaled up from this example to an extremely dangerous level. this dangerous place is where we’re at; us white folks are finally waking up to recognize what this notion really means, in this moment. even though all the data, reading, information and cries for help have been here all along, we are just now catching up, and it is shameful. if we don’t start by analyzing our own personal experiences to commit to change within ourselves and within our everyday lives, we’ll never see change on the broader scale.
i am sharing this here to hopefully illustrate a very possible reality of a similar situation happening to you or someone you know. protect others and allow them to feel safe around you; it’s as simple as that.
by cleo wade.
and, by the way, the “jokes” are never funny. it feels uncomfortable and awkward; a moment for that jokester to fill the room with a comment they think will get them attention, be “relatable” to others, or just to spark controversy. this is a huge part of my experience with “covert racism,” or the type of racism that is widely “socially acceptable” in our culture. this topic has hit such a nerve with me for a long time, recently more-so than ever. in considering a black perspective, to have white friends who claim to be “not-racist,” the same friends who then allow a whole arsenal of microaggressions and racial comments to dart through many a room, and sit there with a smile as if this social practice is a-okay. this situation is exponentially more insulting when the target(s) of these comments & jokes are sitting right there in the room and the comments go uncontested by their friends. if this were me sitting with a group of people who all had something in common, and distasteful comments continued swirling based on the 1 main characteristic that made me different from them, you’re damn sure i’d be upset, feel unsafe or unwanted. i do not want to continue to normalize this. how can we be good friends and allies to black people when we’ve failed to provide them with a safe space to exist? how can they trust us?
this is a train of thought about trust, directness and honesty vs deceit. the “overt racism,” or the stuff we can see happening in society at the tip of the iceberg is one thing - it is horrific in its own right, but less complicated to identify, because it is blatant and plain as day. “that person is racist against me as a black person - i know this because they have told me so, and they put offensive notes in my mailbox about my family and our skin color.” aka: a hate crime. scary as hell situation, and of course i’m not saying that the smaller section of the triangle is “less serious” than the larger section, but the answer to whether or not they know they can trust that person is right there in the open - it’s straightforward, not disguised. no, they cannot trust that person.
whereas “covert racism” fills up a huge fraction of the white supremacy iceberg and is more complicated, coded, self-serving to white people, manipulative, and happens ALL THE TIME. it’s a hidden agenda that doesn’t always “appear” to be violent, but it’s all in disrespect: distasteful racial comments followed up with, “i’m just joking”, denying that racism exists, trusting white voices more strongly over others’ - these are some of the many fragments of oppression that are, unfortunately, enacted & accepted daily by white people. even white people who parade themselves as a trusted friend to people of color. can they trust this type of person?
via @ogorchukwuu
if we want to be “white allies” or claim to be “not racist,” or even be considered a truly “good friend” to BIPOC, we have to actively be anti-racist. i feel like a fool and an asshole for taking 32 years to finally arrive at this obvious consensus, and on the broader national scale, at the expense of many black lives. whether you’re 15, 32, 45, 60, 75, or 90 years old and willing to put effort into this exercise of self-reflection - the time to do so is now.
via jen winston
a massively important component of this anti-racism movement is the ubiquitous use of social media today - regular people in everyday situations capturing injustices on cell phone video and sharing for the world to see. social media has been a vital element in quickly informing people of the reality of what’s going on. it is an essential direct portal to real viewpoints & voices of black people whom are creating amazing written and/or video content every day to help educate the general public about perspectives that we each may not come across in our everyday lives.
on the topic of social media - i felt it best to share ALL of my thought process here as i have this long-form blog format accessible to share my reflections. i don’t want to just regurgitate graphics online to show my solidarity - not saying at all that’s the wrong way to go about this - i’ve discovered lots of good information from my online friends sharing the same graphics/videos. these are being repeatedly shared and shown to us on repeat until we finally GET THE MESSAGE (imagine that!). i felt i had more to discover and analyze by taking the time to think through the context of the graphics/images/words/poems that have been shared & re-shared online that resonated with my current state of learning & growing.
also - in regards to the videos of black folks being killed, i certainly do not want to be desensitized to that type of content. i need to shake myself and say “holy fuck this is still happening” - go inward and reflect on whether i’m doing what i can with my resources - and talk to my fellow white friends - aka ACKNOWLEDGE the reality of this and NOT REMAIN SILENT.
i just went back to check on some letters i had written a while back to senators and state representatives regarding police brutality and killings of black americans, thanks to the organization and activism of my lovely friend sara. these were written in 2016. four years ago, i was upset enough to speak up and write to our leaders about the problems with the united states police system. what happened in between? i was desensitized by the constant news cycle and repeated sharing of disturbing visuals of black people being brutally abused and killed by the folks who’ve been chosen to “protect & serve” american citizens. this is a sad, sad reality and i do not want to be desensitized to news of innocent people being killed on account of a disgusting power trip, inevitably initiated from a subconscious place that stems from generations of systematically instilled racial oppression against black people.
this portion of my thought process brings me back to:
w h i t e p r i v i l e g e .
^ infographics & illustrations by courtney ahn.
in college, i had an amazing women’s studies professor named kristy leissle. she was COOL and confident with wild curly hair and lived on a house boat. she enlightened me in many ways i still think of to this day. i wanna be like kristy - i’m just a bobo trying to figure it all out. also, i think everybody should take a women’s studies class or read women’s studies material - it’s so much more involved than the title says, and not really about “lady issues” - it’s the perspective of women as the “other” to men - particularly white men - whom much of the infrastructure of our society has been designed for, in many ways. i followed kristy’s journey and went to watch her deliver her PhD dissertation on the role of women in the commodity chain of raw cacao in ghana. of course i went to hear this gal talk about women making chocolate. but i digress…
“white privilege” is not a new concept or something recently made up to spread on social media. kristy had us read an essay called “unpacking the knapsack of invisible white privilege” written by peggy mcintosh in 1989. gotta say, reading this piece as a 19 or 20 year old white gal fresh from the rural ‘burbs now living in seattle, my mind was blown. and my mind shouldn’t have been blown, i should have been more aware. but this is how people learn. this is the reality for black people and people of color every single day. i highly recommend reading ‘the knapsack of white privilege’ and thinking about each bullet point through the lens of a white person and then the lens of black person, or any non-white person.
speaking of white privilege and my brief mention of college, i am fully aware of the privilege it was for me to get into and attend a good college at age 18. i do not take that opportunity for granted as so many factors must align in one’s favor to go to college right after high school - general timing, your background, family circumstances, access to college resources, finances, to name a few. it was certainly a familial and generational expectation that i would be receiving higher education, and that is a big fat privilege that i am aware of and grateful for. sidenote, i am proud that this is the year i will be finished paying off my student loan debt. woo!
more on gratitude - it’s the most important thing that i’ve become more mindful at practicing every single day. my husband peter could confirm that i say, “i love bed” and “i love ice water” every single day. these are the simple things that i am SO grateful for, and i am lucky to have access to. right when i wake up, i squeeze my pillow and have a moment of gratitude that i am so many things, including: alive, safe, warm, comfortable, in a loving relationship, have good friends & family, and so much more. then i proceed to be grateful for the bathroom and running water, a toilet 10 steps from my bed, etc. you get it. it’s so important to be mindful and grateful for what you’ve got.
by shel silverstein.
watching the protests this weekend in our city of seattle and online across america was so heavy and real. seeing weapons being stolen from police vehicles by out-of-town opportunist folks coming in to wreak havoc without reason - made my whole nervous system shake. this was not the point of the protests, any of the rioting or even looting that took place (great video content about the rioting & looting in the links at the bottom of this post - see: trevor noah & tamika mallory). but, when i decided to turn off the tv, it was just another example of my white privilege: i can turn off this tv and put this out of my mind. i can, with the flip of a switch, find some sort of peace again. this is not the reality for black folks. they cannot simply flip a switch and feel truly safe & content. i am fucking heartbroken for every black person in america who goes to sleep at night wondering if someone in their family might have a run-in with a racist police officer tomorrow, potentially resulting in violence or death. with the constant fear of what’s in the news. wanting to have babies, but that maybe they shouldn’t, “because why would i bring a black baby into a world that will inherently hate them?” worrying about walking down the damn street, sitting on a park bench or wandering a grocery store alone without being watched, scanned up and down, and judged by others. this is their every day reality living as black americans, and it is devastating.
in regards to any confusion around protests turned to rioting & looting (after you’ve watched trevor & tamika’s videos!) - here’s a sensical way i’ve heard people explain it to their family/friends who are far more concerned about seeing the looting or destruction of retail stores than the death of innocent humans:
“mom/dad/aunt/friend, what is something, if it happened to you - that would make you feel so unbelievably heartbroken, harmed, provoked & angry that you would feel compelled to throw a brick through a window? if a police officer killed your son today? if a police officer killed your mom today? if a police officer killed your dad today? if a police officer killed your daughter today?” the window would be the least of all the worries. the window will be back soon… your son, your mom, your father, your daughter will never come back.
something to think about.
LET’S NOT FORGET - this has all been happening simultaneously with the coronavirus pandemic in the background!! the most unprecedented period of our lifetime - socially, economically, culturally. if things weren’t unfair enough for black people living in america right now, they are being super disproportionately affected by the coronavirus by at least double the deaths, according to the chart below that analyzes deaths per 100,000 people of each group. AND - per the protests that took place this week, black folks still showed up to protest police brutality amidst “stay at home” orders in the era of social distancing. risking their health & safety to stand up for justice - and without question!
here is an episode of the ny times daily podcast that explains why black people are being so disproportionately affected by covid-19.
chart & data from APM Research Lab
art by lindsay arakawa
as a person amongst the generation of millennials (aka generation y) largely bringing children into the world right now, i feel a responsibility (along with generation x and even gen z) to completely shake up the way we may have been brought up to think about race, if/when we become parents. to be extra mindful during impressionable conversations where our children are present, whether the conversation is about race, gender, sexuality, religion, body type, disability, etc. to always strive to shut down unkind commentary around us. to use our very best instincts to bring up happy, thoughtful, inclusive, curious, compassionate and understanding human beings.
i myself struggle with connecting with my own instincts and reactions, even when a rude comment is directed specifically towards me. it can take me days, weeks, sometimes years to reflect on a comment and finally figure out why it bothered me so badly. i just read the book, ‘the empath’s survival guide’ by judith orloff. while i deeeeeply connect with a lot of the concepts she wrote about, i don’t agree with everything in the book. much of it seems quite passive and let’s ‘sensitive people’ off the hook. however, i feel like she was writing exactly about my experience in several areas regarding my empathic traits. wowwweee, judith.
i am working to let those sparks of instincts - the instincts that pop up when something wrong is taking place - be very loud, fiery, and persistent. i do not want to sleep on my gut instincts when i know something must be said or done.
by cleo wade.
HOW TO TAKE ACTION // ACTION ITEMS:
this weekend i’ve made financial donations to:
the northwest community bail fund
the naacp
national police accountability project
if you live in the seattle area, these are some black-owned businesses that you can find and support:
via @seattleworks
support black artists, writers, musicians, photographers, etc.
[note to everyone and a reminder to myself: we should always be incorporating multiple perspectives, stories, & voices into our regular consumption of content, whether that’s books, tv shows, documentaries, podcasts, music, art. it should not take a national tragedy and social uproar to remember to consistently support artists, learn about & consider perspectives that differ from your own.]
i bought these books that i’ve been wanting to read (from powell’s books in portland). these are just a few items i chose to get started with right now. a combination of lifestyle, creative writing, comedy, and society.
latyonya yvette, ‘woman of color’ - i’ve followed latonya on instagram for many years. she has some of the most beautiful in-the-moment creative writing pieces on what seem to be “ordinary” moments of her daily life. i love her sense of home design & personal style, her sweet kids, and her perspective of her life having been born & raised in brooklyn, ny. she is someone i’ve enjoyed free blog content from for a long time, she’s about my age, and i’d love to support her little family so she can continue to create great content for her blog (and books!).
samantha irby, ‘wow, no thank you.’ - sam’s blog, bitches gotta eat, is soooooo laugh out loud funny and engaging. a little peek into the inner-workings of her stream of consciousness, which is hysterical and real. i don’t know how she comes up with this stuff. and the fact that she has stuck to ‘blogger’ - the first free format i ever blogged on… is so great. no bells & whistles and web design - just her hilarious & poignant words. she has a funny email list you can subscribe to as well. i read her book, ‘meaty', a couple years ago and enjoyed it so much. can’t wait to read this!
ijeoma oluo, ‘so you want to talk about race.’ - i’ve seen this book come up online many times over the past year or so and i want it to be a part of my summer reading.
there are so many enlightening videos and articles going around right now, but as a starting off point to grasp the importance of reflecting on what’s happening in america right now, these have been well worth watching:
franchesca ramsey: do more than say sorry
trevor noah: the dominos of racial injustice
emmanuel acho: uncomfortable conversations with a black man
jane elliott: being black (i also plan to watch the ‘brown eyes/blue eyes’ full video)
powerful speech on protesting by tamika mallory
and this article by barack. important excerpts below re: ACTION.
from barack obama, ‘how to make this moment the turning point for real change’
during quarantine, i’ve made it my goal to finish the stack of half-read books that i’ve started - a horrible habit. i’ve finished all of them and just started reading the autobiography of malcolm x, a book that i bought probably 4 years ago that fell through the cracks of my start & stop reading habit. i am eager to dig into it as it is quite dense. after peter’s done reading sapiens by yuval harari, i’m reading that.
another comment on the privilege of going to college for “higher education” - just because i’ve closed the literal and proverbial book on “college”, it doesn’t mean that learning time is over. always be learning. you can learn something around every corner, you just have to have the curiosity and respect for the world around you to go seek the knowledge. or perhaps, stumble into learning about something completely new-to-you, seems “uncomfortable” to you, or something that you know nothing about.
i do not feel like i am simply “excused” because i took the time to write all of this. i am not seeking a pat on the back. this has been keeping me awake at night and i had to write it out. i am worried that i’ll look back at this blog post in 1 year, 5 years, hell, maybe even just 1 month from now and think, “oh my god, i am embarrassed. all this information was already obviously abundantly clear way before i wrote my take on it. i look stupid.” but this is where i’m at now, so be it. i have certainly learned a lot about myself and the world around me this year. i hope this makes sense and resonates with even 1 person who may need to read it and learn from it, too.
art + words by morgan harper nichols
words by ego nwodim.
qp
